I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I will be naked everywhere
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
