If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
