so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
