That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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