he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
