No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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