he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
