im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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