I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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