In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
