Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
