you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
