oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
