All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
