You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize