I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
