Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
