Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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