While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
