Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
