Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
