Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
