I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
