Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
