you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
