think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize