so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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