I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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