just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
