Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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