It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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