Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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