There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize