I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
