Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
