And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
