my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
