Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
