before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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