Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry jollyreedgiant hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(831): View more from California

I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.

(1-831): View more from California

Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable

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(740): View more from Ohio

you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'

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(647): View more from Ontario

btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.

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(425): View more from Washington

Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.

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