I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
