You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
