In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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