in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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