i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
