how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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