i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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