The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
