i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
