The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
