so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
