Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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