u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm at about main and main street
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
