there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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