Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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