I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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