I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize