my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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