I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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