i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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