The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
