The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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