I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
